Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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