WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
