Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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