found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
