I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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