He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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