ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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