the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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