cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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