I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
