Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
