all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
