3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
