you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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