why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
