I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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