If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
