Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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