It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
