I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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