that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
