4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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