belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
