Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We had to coat check the pizza.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
