the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
