finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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