her vagine was all disorganized.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
