Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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