I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
