...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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