I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
