while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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