i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
