At least make sure they are 18
Why
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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