my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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