question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think a kid would responsible me up
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
