Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
