I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
