dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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