I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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