How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
