I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Couch. On fire.
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