Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
