go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I need to align my fucking chakras
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
