What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
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