ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize