I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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