you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
