i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
