At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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