While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
