how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
