Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
