Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize