What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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