Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
