Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
