he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
