True but thats because hes a fetus.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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