So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
