well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
