my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
