guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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