Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
