He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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