Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize