dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
