Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
