Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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